A trauma-informed guide to conflict and communication-prompts, exercises, and real-life examples for building healthier relationships
An inclusive, gentle, and neurodivergent-affirming approach to navigating disagreements, setting better boundaries, and having courageous conversations
Do Conflict Better is an accessible, interactive handbook for understanding and working through conflict with care, awareness, and skill. Written by trauma therapists Alex Iantaffi and Lior Effinger-Weintraub, this book shows you that conflict is a natural, inevitable part of life-one that doesn't need to be avoided, shamed, or shut down. And when it's done well, conflict can strengthen your relationships, transform your communication, and grow your agency for the better.
The authors share how we bring our trauma into our conflicts, sometimes without realizing it. They unpack how different kinds of trauma-individual, collective, and intergenerational-shape how we show up to moments of disagreement and tension in all areas of our life, from our most personal relationships to our work spheres. Organized into three sections on Trauma, Conflict, and Communication, Do Conflict Better will teach you how:
- Nervous system responses like fight, flight, freeze, and fawn impact our ability to hold healthy conflict
- To develop the critical skill of "conflict intimacy" to channel disagreement, deepen trust, and nurture connection
- To set better boundaries, navigate shame, and engage in courageous conversations
- Community-based and restorative approaches to justice can lead to genuine accountability
- Trauma intersects with different neurotypes
Do Conflict Better takes a trauma-sensitive tone, written to [reinforce?] in language chosen to nurture a safer, non-triggering reading experience. With user-friendly prompts, exercises, and self-care activities, this book empowers you to move from avoidant and reactive conflict styles toward more intentional, compassionate, and authentic ways of relating.