You must have baby brain. Don't tell anyone too soon. Want to hear my birth story? You'll be recovered after six to eight weeks. Just you wait 'til the toddler years! You look tired. Sleep when the baby sleeps! Is he hungry? Don't hold her too much! Please don't chat during baby sensory class. Get ready with me and my three-month-old!

'Some things said to you during pregnancy and new motherhood are useful, others are batshit insane and shouldn't be said to anyone. Ever.'

In this collection of poetry and prose Amy Williams explores pregnancy and new motherhood through the prism of all the things people said to her, both helpful and unhelpful, when she was pregnant and a new mum. Funny, moving, at times outrageous and at others joyful, this collection is your perfect companion for when the days are long, but the years are short.